Undutifulness towards one's parents

والصَّلَاةُ والسَّلاَمُ عَلَى سَيّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ أَشْرَفِ اْلمُرْسَلِيْنَ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ الطَّيّبِيْنَ الطَّاهِرِيْن

^Uququ l-walidayn refers to any act that causes considerable harm or distress to one’s parents, or either of them, according to customary standards. Disobedience to one’s parents, or higher ancestors such as grandparents, is prohibited, even if someone of closer kinship remains alive.

The ruling on ^uququ l-walidayn

^Uququ l-walidayn is categorised as one of the major sins.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

"ثلاثة لا يدخلون الجنة العاق لوالديه والديوث ورجلة النساء"

"Three types of people will not enter Paradise: one who is undutiful to his parents, a cuckold[1] (dayyuth’), and a woman who imitates men."

(Related by Al-Bayhaqiyy)

This means that these three will not enter Paradise alongside the foremost believers unless they repent, for the punishment for undutifulness towards parents is severe with Allah, ta^ala. However, if they repent, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

“التائب من الذنب كمن لا ذنب له”

'The one who repents from a sin is like one who has not sinned.'

(Narrated by Ibnu Majah).

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

"إنّ الله حرّم عليكم عقوق الأمهات"

"Indeed, Allah has forbidden you from being undutiful to your mothers."

This was narrated in the two Sahih collections of Al-Bukhariyy and Muslim, on the authority of Al-Mughirah ibnu Shu^bah, may Allah accept his deeds.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ highlights in this noble hadith that among the prohibited acts is undutifulness towards mothers, as well as towards fathers. However, undutifulness to one’s mother is deemed a graver sin, just as showing dutifulness to one’s mother carries a greater reward than doing so for one’s father.

A companion approached the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and asked:

"O Messenger of Allah, who is most deserving of my good companionship?" He ﷺ replied: "Your mother." The companion then inquired, "Then who?" He ﷺ replied: "Your mother." The companion asked again: "Then who?" He ﷺ replied: "Your mother." The companion asked once more: "Then who?" He ﷺ replied: "Your father."

(Reported by both Al-Bukhariyy and Muslim).

Examples of undutifulness towards parents

Among the forms of undutifulness towards parents is for a child to neglect to provide financial support to them if they are poor. However, if they are financially self-sufficient, such support is not obligatory but remains encouraged as an act of kindness and benevolence. It is recommended (sunnah) to fulfil their desires and to obey them in all matters, except when it involves disobedience to Allah, even on the issues that are merely disliked (makruh). Obeying one’s parents in such instances, with sincere intention, serves as a means of attaining elevated ranks with Allah.

Insulting one’s mother or father, physically striking them, or humiliating them in the presence of others constitutes undutifulness towards parents. Likewise, it is considered undutifulness for a child to side with their mother in wronging their father, or vice versa.

The scholars have stated: "If one of the parents commands their child to perform or refrain from an act that is permissible (mubah), and the parent’s heart is filled with distress or sorrow if the child disobeys, the child must obey them."

Among the signs of harshness and poor manners is for a child to call their mother by her name. It is more appropriate for the child to address her as 'O mother' or 'O my mother.' Similarly, it is considered disrespectful and impolite for a child to call their father by his name; the child should address him as 'O father' or 'O my father.'"

[1] ‘Ad-Dayyuth’ refers to a man who tolerates his wife’s infidelity, despite having the ability to prevent it.