Treat women with kindness and compassion

والصَّلَاةُ والسَّلاَمُ عَلَى سَيّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ أَشْرَفِ اْلمُرْسَلِيْنَ وَعَلَى آلِهِ وَصَحْبِهِ الطَّيّبِيْنَ الطَّاهِرِيْن

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

"اللَّهُمَّ إني أُحَرِّجُ حَقَّ الضَّعيفَينِ المرأةِ واليتيم"

"O Allah, I constrict and make it forbidden for anyone who wrongs the two vulnerable ones: women and orphans."

(Related by Ibnu Majah)

The explanation of the hadith clarifies that the term ‘uharriju’ stems from ‘tahrij’ or ‘ihraj’, meaning: "I impose constraint upon people regarding the neglect of their rights and emphasise the seriousness of upholding them." The purpose is to invoke Allah ta^ala as a Witness to the delivery of this ruling.

It has also been suggested that ‘uharriju’ implies: "I forbid this sin, namely the violation of their rights, and I issue a stern warning and an unequivocal prohibition against it." This interpretation was articulated by al-Nawawī, who further affirmed: "Its chain of transmission is authentic, and its narrators are trustworthy."

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

"واستوصُوا بالنِّساء خيرًا"

"And treat women with kindness [and compassion]."

(Related by the two Shaykhs (Al-Bukhariyy and Muslim).)

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

"خيرُكم خيرُكم للنِّساء"

"The best of you are those who are the best to their spouses."

This hadith has a sound chain of narration through the transmission of ^Abdu l-Lah ibnu ^Abbas  about the Prophet ﷺ.  Al-Hakim narrated it in his Mustadrak.

How should a man treat his wife?

The finest among believers are those who excel in their treatment of their spouses. A man ought to treat his wife with tenderness, compassion, a cheerful countenance, and a spirit of forgiveness should she wrong him. One who conducts himself in this noble manner with his wife is deemed among the best of men, for such conduct mirrors how he interacts with others. He exemplifies good character, and a person of virtuous character attains a rank akin to that of one who observes voluntary fasting and engages in nightly prayers out of devotion.

The rank of a believer with good character

The believer who excels in his character attains a rank similar to that of one who spends his nights in prayer, forsaking the comforts of sleep in anticipation of reward from Allah ta^ala, and who fasts most of the year. Through his good character, this believer is comparable to the one who prays at night and fasts by day without weariness.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

"إنَّ المؤمنَ لَيُدْرِكُ بحُسْنِ خُلُقهِ دَرَجَةَ الصَّائمِ القائم"

"Indeed, a believer can reach the rank of the one who fasts and prays through his good character."

Narrated by ‘Abu Dawud in his Sunan.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

"ما مِنْ شىءٍ يُوضَعُ في الميزانِ أثقلُ من حُسْنِ الخُلُق وإنَّ صاحبَ حُسْنِ الخُلُقِ لَيَبْلُغُ به دَرَجَةَ صاحب الصَّوْمِ والصَّلاة"

"There is nothing placed on the scale heavier than good character. Indeed, the one who possesses good character attain, through it, the rank of the one who fasts and prays."

Narrated by At-Tirmidhiyy in his Sunan.

Humility with wives

Humility is defined as lowering oneself and refraining from elevating oneself above others. Humility towards wives is essential, and it holds a significant place according the judgment of Allah. It is crucial, especially in the context of one's relationship with one's spouse. Kindness towards them is required. However, many men act contrary to the teachings of the Prophet ﷺ, who said:

“خيرُكم خيرُكم للنِّساء”

"The best of you are those who are the best to their wives."

They do not treat them as the Messenger of Allah ﷺ commanded; they neither show humility towards their wives nor refrain from elevating themselves above them, and this is unbecoming.

Therefore, a man should humble himself before his wife, treat her kindly, pardon and forgive her wrongdoings. He should not respond to mistreatment with mistreatment. If a man’s wife has a weaker understanding, he should deal with her gently and wisely.

Allah ta^ala said:

﴿ وإنْ تَعْفُوا وتَصْفَحُوا وتَغْفِرُوا فإنَّ الله غفُورٌ رحيم ﴾

“And if you pardon, overlook, and pardon, then indeed Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.”

Suratu t-Taghabun, ‘Ayah 14)

The humility of the Prophet ﷺ with his wives

The Prophet ﷺ said:

"خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأهلهِ وأنا خَيْرُكُمْ لأهلي"

"The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives."

This hadith was narrated by At-Tirmidhiyy and Ibnu Majah.

The meaning of the Hadith is as follows: "I am the most exemplary in treating my wives among you, and I surpass all of you in my conduct towards women. And among you, the one who treats women with the utmost kindness and respect is the best of you."

Among his exemplary character traits, when the Prophet ﷺ spent the night in the home of one of his wives, he would, upon leaving in the morning, visit each of his wives. He would stand at the door of one and say:

“السَّلامُ عليكمْ ورحمةُ الله وبركاتُه أهلَ البيت”

"Peace be upon you, and the mercy and blessings of Allah, O inhabitant of the household."

He would then proceed to the door of each wife, greeting her in the same manner, and likewise with those who were not in their turn. He would not wait for them to come to him and greet him.

Observe this remarkable conduct! How much joy it must bring to his wife when he greets her with peace each morning. This is the true essence of kind and respectful treatment of women. Unfortunately, many men adopt an air of superiority over their wives, which stands in opposition to the principles of the Sacred Law.

The soul naturally gravitates towards self-importance, yet we are called to resist such inclinations for the sake of Allah ta^ala. Humility is indispensable; rather than expecting his wife to serve him, a man should attend to his own needs. If he assists his wife and cares for her sincerely seeking Allah’s reward, this conduct holds greater virtue and merit according to Allah. The Prophet ﷺ, himself would milk his sheep with his own hands, rather than assigning the task to one of his wives. Moreover, he tended to household responsibilities personally, exemplifying the humility that is beloved to Allah.

Will a man flee from his wife on the Day of Judgment?

Those who treat their wives justly in this world, where the husband is fair and free from oppression, and the wife obeys him and fulfills her duties, will not flee from each other on the Day of Judgment. However, if they mistreat each other in this world, they will both flee from one another on that Day, fearing that one may claim injustice from the other. The same principle applies to the relationship with one's mother.

Allah said:

﴿يومَ يَفِرُّ المرءُ من أخيه وأمِّه وأبيه وصاحبتهِ وبنيه لكلِّ امرِئٍ منهم يومئذٍ شأنٌ يُغنيه﴾

On the Day the person will flee from his brother, and his mother and his father, and his wife and his children. On that day, each of them will be so absorbed in their own fate that they will be heedless of everyone else."

(Suratu ^Abasa, ‘Ayat 34-37)

The state of the pious on the Day of Judgment

The pious on the Day of Judgment will be joyful, riding in comfort, fully satiated, clothed, and secure. They will not experience sorrow or distress. They will experience no sorrow or distress. The fleeing mentioned in the noble verse:

﴿يومَ يَفِرُّ المرءُ من أخيه﴾ 

"On the Day when the person will flee from his brother"

(Suratu ^Abasa, ‘Ayah 34)

occurs only to those who have wronged others. As for the pious, their condition is as described by Allah’s saying:

﴿الأَخِلَّاءُ يومئذٍ بعضُهم لبعضٍ عَدُوٌّ إلَّا المتَّقين﴾

" On that Day, close friends united by worldly interests will become enemies to one another, except for the righteous. "

(Suratu z-Zukhruf, ‘Ayah 67)

The pious will not flee from one another.